Chatter - Ethan Kross

•  a devout believer that paying attention to our self-talk is vitally important for out mental health
• inner experiences consistently dwarf outer ones. What participants where thinking about turned out to be a better predictor of their happiness that what they were actually doing
• Your mood is defined not by what you did but by what your thought about
• (2nd place in world championships feel like loosers)
• memorizing 200-350-2765 is much easier than memorizing 2003502765
• the more I stew over what you did to me, the more I keep those negative feelings alive, and the more likely I am to act aggressively against you as a result
• We can create a chronic physiological stress reaction just by thinking. And when our inner voice fuels that stress, it can be devastating to our health
• When people are going through a difficult experience, asking them to imagine how they'll feel about it ten years from now.
• experiences are temporary, which provides hope
• the understanding that the world is constantly in flux and circumstances are going to change.
• Saying my own name in my head, addressing myself as if I were speaking to someone else, allowed me to immediately step back.
• regained control of my emotions and internal conversation
• a high usage of first-person-singular pronouns, a phenomenom calles I-talk, is a reliable marker of negative emotion.
• Acknowledge the difficulty of creation, and then keep creating
• people think, feel, and perform better when they frame the stressor at hand as a challnge rather than a thread
• (Growth mindset)
• provide encouraging "you can do it" advice to themselves, rather than catastrophizing the situation
• a small shift in the words we use to refer to ourselves during introspection can influence our ability to control chatter in a variety of domains
• normalizing experiences - knowing that what you're experiencing isnt unique to you, but rather something everyone experiences. Its just the stuff of life
• In study after stdy rime found that talking to others about our negative experiences doesnt help us recover in any meaningful way
• we often need others to help us distance, normalize, and change the way were thinking aobut the experiences were going through
• The interlocutor ideally acknowledges the persons feelings and reflections, but then helps her put the situation in perspective
• big-picture advice
• + invisible support: supporting others while not making them feel bad about lacking the resources to cope on their own. Taking care of homework. Give quiet space.
• + affectionate touch: a sign that they are safe, loved, and supported
• improves our ability to deal with stress, promotes relationship satisfaction, and reduces feelings of loneliness
• Green spaces seem to function like a great therapist, anti-aging elixir, and immune-system booster all in one
• Rituals are so effective - helping us manage our inner voices. A chatter-reducing cocktail.

Hyperfocus - Chris Bailey

•  Disconnecting is one of the most powerful ways to spark new and innovative ideas
• My morning meditation may have helped - I find I'm able to write more words when I take part in this ritual (40% more)
• constant connectivity is one of the worst disruptions to our focus and productivity
• attention is all around us. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
• I accumulated more devices. I had never been so busy while accomplishing so little.
• UNFOCUS so that we can genuinely relax and recharge
• learning how to unfocus
• I went from viewing multitasking as a stimulating work hack to regarding it as a trap of continuous interruptions.
• by focusing deeply on just one important thing at a time - hyper focusing - we become the most productive version of ourselves.
• Put your phone out of sight
• Start seeing your smartphone for what it really is: a productivity black hole that sits in your pocket
• It's never healthy to be dependent on something - addictive, shiny rectangular devices included
• Modifying your environment is one of the top ways to cultivate your focus.
• Take time to weigh the value of your routine consumption. "Pitches" for your time and attention
• Recharge your attention... do something relatively mindless ... dishes, people watching, or cleaning the house... (and NOT stuff it with stuff / podcast / news / series etc)
• (time to defrag the brain)
• throughout the day, how frequently do you choose what to focus on? In other words, roughly how much of your time do you spend deliberately and with intention, deciding in advance what you want to do and when you'll do it
• attention is our most limited and constrained resource. the more we can manage our attention with intention, the more focused, productive, and creative we become.
• bombarding us with alerts, notifications, beeps and buzzes
• How our mind refuses to shut off when were lying in bed at night
• How incredible ideas and insights come to us while our mind is wandering in the shower, but the same insight don't strike when we need them the most. (at the desk)
• bouncing around a loop of the same five smartphone apps, checking for updates again and again
• How we are unable to stop worrying about certain things
• Focusing on this book (any book) is probably more productive than focussing on your smartphone the wall, or music in the background
• Directing your attention towards the most important object of your choosing - and then sustaining that attention - is the most consequential decision we will make throughout the day. We are what we pay attention to
• Distracting work - stimulating, unproductive tasks - black hole for productivity
• Finite limit to how many things we can focus on ... realistically we can, at most, do one or two of these things well at the same time
• When reading ... you have almost no attentional space remaining for other tasks 
• Are you devoting a third of your attention to thinking about the smartphone by your side? Is part of your ming planning what you'll do after completing this chapter or distracted by something youre worried about? Are these concerns or anxieties popping out of nowhere
• (bandwidth is really limited)
• Directing your mental gaze to what is currently occupying your attentional space can be an odd exercise, as we rarely notice what has taken hold of our attention but spend most of our time totally immersed in what were experiencing
• mindfulness is - noticing what your mind is full of - negative self-talk. ... don't take all of your thoughts too seriously... "All thoughts want to be taken seriously, but few warrant it."
• Simply noticing what is occupying our attentional space has been shown to make us more productive
• We perform significantly better on every task when were aware that our mind is wandering.
• thoughts, tasks, projects, daydreams, conference calls, and other objects of attention continually passing through.
• When you leave your phone on the table during a conversation you're bound to be distracted by the possibility of incoming messages
• The costs of overloading our attention can be pretty severe (burnout / stress)
• We have to work with intention as much as possible. we have more to do than time within which to do it.
• At any one time, your attentional space should hold at most two key things that you are processing: what you intent to accomplish and what you're currently doing
• by being mindful of your intention, you can be confident that what you're immersed in is what you're actually aiming to get done
• The best way to avoid this overload is to be more selective with what you permit into your attentional space. on the drive home, shut off the radio... process the day.
• making small changes like these allows you to keep your attention on your intention
• Simplifying our attentional space lets us maintain enough room to work and live intentionally throughout the day... lets us spend more time on what's important and meaningful
• When your attentional space is overwhelmed, you, in turn, feel overwhelmed. When your attentional space is clear, you also feel clear. The tidier you keep your attentional space, the more clearly you think.
• The devices we own... are infinitely more stimulating than the other productive and meaningful things we could be focusing on
• overly focused on efficiency... productivity means accomplishing what we intend to do
• if we intend to have a relaxing day and manage to do absolutely nothing, were again perfectly productive. 
• Being busy doesn't make us productive
• productivity is not about cramming more into our days but about doing the right thing in each moment
• Consider taking a break before starting something else so more of your attentional residue can dissipate (defragmentation). as far as your productivity is concerned, the best time to take a break is after you've finished a big task
• The most important aspect of hyper focus is that only one productive or meaningful task consumes your attentional space. (Pomodoro, task list, top-three of the day items)
• youre fucussing on a single task, you have some attentional space to spare - enough that you are also able to keep your iriginal intention in mind.
• Choose a productive or meaningful object of attention
• eliminate as many distractions internal and external as you can
• focus on that chosen object of attention
• continually draw your focus back 
• being present in a conversation with your partner
• The TV behind our partner at the pub is usually more enticing than focusing on the conversation
• enjoying a meal with our family
• Mental resistance we have to unappealing tasks
• to overcome - just commit a timebox (pomodoro)
• keep one important, complex object of attention in your awareness as you work
• The rule of 3: At the start of each day, choose the three things you want to have accomplished by days end
• Instead of just considering the immediate consequences of an activity, also consider the second- and third-order consequences (i.e. mid- to longterm: Eg eat a cake. Do a sports session)
• You shouldnt be too hard on yourself when you do notice your brain drifting off or doing something else weird. ... An opportunity to assess how youre feeling ... we are more likely to catch our minds wandering when we reward ourselves for doing so.
• The important thins is that youre regularly checking whats occupying your attentional space. Set an hourly timer on your phone. This will easily be the most productive interruption you receive throughout the day.
• Setting specific intentions can double or triple your odds of success
• tennis players made plans on how they want to respond with the problems that might come up in the game
• pre-planning: when you see the dessert menu, treat yourself to a decaf coffee instead
• (Like I go to canteen dont bother with anything - straight to salad buffet)
• Once you become AWARE of how frequently you interrupt yourself, its hard to go back to working the same way again
• a cue to lighten up a bit and embrace whatever fun derailed my productivity - fretting over things you simply cant control is a waste of time, energy and attention
• By removing every object of attention thats potentially more stimulating and attactive than what you intend to do, you give your brain no choice but to work on that task
• Your coworkers need you a lot less than you think they do
• because you are investing your time, attention, and energy into just one task, you can slow down and work more purposefully
• Try to become more deliberate about when you check your messages - regain control of your attention
• Technology should exist for our convenience, not for the convenience of anyone who wants to interrupt us
• This shift in attitude has enabled me to use my phone with intention rather than on autopilot mode
• Resist the urge when youre waiting in line at the grocery store, walking or in the bathroom. Use these small breaks to reflect on what youre doing, to recharge
• Never attend a meeting without an agenda. I ask for the objective. Push back on any meeting without an agenda - your time is too valuable
• Question every recurring meeting on your calendar.
• If you find it difficult to become immersed in your work throughout the day, its worth questioning whether your tasks are difficult and complex enough
• your work no longer expands to fit the time you have available. Able to accomplish a full days work in just a few hours when they focus on only their most consequential tasks
• Becoming a better custodian of your attential space
• There is, however, one practice that has been proven in study after study to increase working memory capacity: meditation
• involves continually returning your focus to a single object of attention - as soon as you notice your mind has wandered from it
• your mind will wander constantly
• you heighten your executive functioning: how much control you have over your attention
• headspace and insight timer
• it doesnt matter how long i meditate, as long as I do so each day
• when you practice being with your breath, you practice being with your life.
• begin to practice mindfulness by choosing one daily task that doesnt consume your complete attention - sipping your morning coffe, wlaking through the office, taking a showe and intentionally be with that experience for a minute or two
• simply be with the circumstances of the present moment and notice as much as you can about what youre seeing, hearing, and feeling

• Whether at work or at home, the quality of your attention determines the quality of your life

• The resistance we feel toward complex and productive tasks is usually concentrated at the beginning of then we start these tasks
• while it might take weeks to summon the energy and stamina needed to clean the garage or bedroom closet, once we do it for even just a minute, we could keep going for hours
• Even setting a mental deadline of five minutes will likely be enough to get you started
• Notice when you "dont have time" for something. You always have time - you just spend it on other things
• Our mind primarily wanders to the negative when we're thinking about the past
• Cutting yourself off from distractions naturally turns your attention inward, as your thoughts become more interesting than anything in your external environment.

• A primary reson many of us feel burned out is that we never give our attention a rest.

• You are what you choose to focus on
• The importance of meta-awareness and continually checking whats consuming your attentional space

Remember the disk fragmenter from old windows - your brain needs this - time to defragment, optimize, sort - create faster lookups, digest and create connections etc

•  Getting enough sleep can increase the size of attentional space by 60%, and taking frequent breaks can have the same effect
• In fact, taking a break is one of the most productive things you can do.
• Enjoy consuming things that other people tend to underappreciate or shy away from.
• Double down on developing the skills and knowledge that YOU find entertaining.
• Every time you stop consuming trash, you make room for something useful to add value to your life.
• Notice what you consume on autopilot mode
• After you begin a book, movie, or TV series, assess along the way whether you should pursue it to the end
• Deciding whether something merits your attention takes an extra step, but its a decision that will save hours cyou can then devote to something better
• From a point in the future looking backwards: Would you want to see yourself lying like a blob on the couch watching netflix or mindlessly tapping on your tablet? Or would you rather watch a video of yourself poring over a hundred pages of a book?
• Work out without music or a podcast
• I view drinking alcohol as a way by which we borrow energy and happiness from the following day.
• 
  

Spaziergang zu dir selbst - Biyon Kattilathu

• Manchmal gewinnt man. Und manchmal lernt man.
• Mir hilft der Gedanke sehr, dass alles FÜR uns passiert.
• Wenn etwas passiert:
• Akzeptanz
• Okay, sehr gut. Wieder etwas gelernt.
• Du bist bereits stolz auf dich. Einfach so. Du bist bereits zufrieden. Weil du es entschieden hast. Du bist entspannt.
• Weil du weißt, dass manche Dinge sind, wie sie sind. Und aus diesem Gefühl heraus kommst du ins "Tun". Du tust Dinge, die ein in sich ruhender Mensch, ein sich Liebe schenkender Mensch tun würde. Du tust sie aus Überzeugung, voller Demut. In deinem Tempo und deinen Werten entsprechend. Und dann wirst du "haben". Du wirst vielleicht deine Ruhe haben, deine ganz persönliche Lösung, deine innere Freude, deinen Seelenfrieden. Aber alles beginnt mit deiner Entscheidung, einfach "sein" zu dürfen.
• Die Welt ist so, wie du bist.
• Die Vergangenheit
• Sie begleitet viele Menschen immer und überall. Und das Geschenk, das sie nicht öffnen, weil sie mit der Vergangenheit beschäftigt sind, ist natürlich die Gegenwart. Dachtest du etwa, es ist Zufall, dass das englische Wort "present" zwei Bedeutungen hat? "Gegenwart" und "Geschenk".
• Was du loslässt, kann dich nicht mehr festhalten
• Es gab nie eine Vergangenheit. Es gab immer nur den jetzigen Moment.
• Also trat ich kürzer. Ich ging weg von dem Misstrauen, dass die Zukunft schwer werden würde, hin zum Vertrauen, dass das Leben es gut mit mir meint. Ich ging weg vom "Tun" hin zum "Sein".
• Das Fließen des Wassers erinnert mich dara, dass es manchmal nicht darum geht, mit dem Strom oder gegen den Strom zu schwimmen, sondern darum, einfach mal am Rand zu stehen und das Plätschern zu genießen, so wie wir es gerade tun.
• Wenn du glücklich sein willst, musst du das Unglücklichsein loslassen und nicht mehr an ihm hängen.
• Das Gewicht des Steins hat ihn nach unten gezogen. Wir Menschen lassen uns auch oft nach unten ziehen. Von Dingen im Außen, von Sorgen und Selbstzweifeln, von anderen Menschen, von Schreckensmeldungen, von unserer Vergangenheit... Aber das schöne ist, dass wir das Gewicht dieser Dinge loslassen können. Und was wir loslassen, kann uns nicht mehr runterziehen.
• Aber eine Entscheidung NICHT zu treffen, bedeutet, die Entscheidung getroffen zu haben, sich nicht zu entscheiden.
• Du siehst, was wir auch machen würden, es wir immer jemanden geben, der uns nicht verstehen kann oder will.
• dich nicht von den Meinungen und Ansichten anderer beirren zu lassen.
• Ich meine, hey, wir sind "Human Beings" und keine "Human Doings"
• Denn, so wird es uns doch ständig suggeriert, das große Glück wartet irgendwo am Ende dieser Leiter. Doof nur , wenn die Leiter kein Ende hat.
• Aber wenn deine Leiter nicht am richtigen Baum steht, dann steig ab. Ich will nämlich nicht, dass du frustriert immer weiterkletterst. Ich will dich lächeln sehen auf der Leiter. Und es gibt viele Bäume, an die du deine Leiter anlehnen kannst.
• War das ein schlimmer Job? Anfangs schon. ich mochte nichts daran
• Aber irgendwann - ich weiß nicht mehr genau, wann und wieso - habe ich mir gesagt, dass ich einfach das Beste daraus mache.
• Und vor allem habe ich in der Spülküche getanzt! Ich habe gesungen, getanzt und meine Kollegen unterhalten. Irgendwann wollte jeder unbedingt in meiner Schicht arbeiten.
• Wenn ich mich heute vergleiche, dann mit mir selbst vor einem Jahr
• Ein guter Mensch wird nämlich einen guten Menschen in dir sehen. Ein schlechter Mensch wird etwas Schlechtes in dir sehen.
• Wenn jemand mit dir schlecht über jemand anderen sprechen würde, ist es nicht abwegig, dass er mit anderen auch schlecht über dich spricht.
• Neid zu überwinden. Mir wurde klar, dass alles, was in ihrem Leben stattfand, mein Leben nicht beeinflussen sollte. Wer anderen ihr Glück nicht gönnt, wird es im Leben schwer haben, selbst Glück zu erfahren.
• dass die Person, die uns verletzt hat, ein größeres Leiden hat. Das macht es einfacher, diesem Menschen zu vergeben; er muss ja diese Last tragen.
• wenn wir jemandem vergeben, hilft das nicht nur ihm, sondern vor allem auch unserem eigenen Seelenfrieden.
• Der dritte Baum heißt "Verlassen". Wenn ich den Menschen verlassen werde.
• weiß, dass ich meinen Seelenfrieden gewahrt habe.
• Du triffst die Entscheidung nicht GEGEN einen anderen Menschen, sondern FÜR dich.
• Immer, wenn du eine Entscheidung getroffen hast, wirst du das Gefühl haben, dein Leben wieder selbst in die Hand genommen zu haben.
• Wenn dir zum Beispiel Dinge keinen Spaß machen, ich meine, über einen langen Zeitraum hinweg, musst du irgendwas ändern. Das gilt für so ziemlich alles im Leben.
• (Take it, change it or leave it)
• Warte aber nicht damit. JETZT ist immer der beste Zeitpunkt.
• "Irgendwann" wird es definitiv die letzte Begrüßung, Verabschiedung, Umarmung und der letzte Kuss sein.
• Sei jetzt der Mensch, den du damals gebraucht hättest.
• Ich habe erkannt, dass das Leben nicht leichter werden muss, sondern dass ich stärker werden sollte. Ich habe erkannt, dass andere Menschen sich nicht ändern müssen, sondern dass ich mich ändern muss, wenn ich etwas verändern möchte.
• Wie muss ich werden, dass es mir leichtfällt, es zu schaffen.
• Du kannst bestimmte Dinge besonders gut. Tu sie. Tu sie immer wider.
• ich habe viel Energie für Dinge aufgewendet, die mir nicht lagen.
• Es gibt Dinge, die kannst du gut - und es gibt Dinge, die können andere gut. Werde dir selbst bewusst, was du gut kannst, und dann kümmere dich darum. Egal, ob andere diese Fähigkeiten anerkennen oder nicht. Übrigens macht uns da, was wir gut können, meistens auch Spaß.
• Sprich mit dir selbst wie mit einer Person, die du über alles liebst.
• Und schon gehe ich viel toleranter, liebevoller, geduldiger mit mir um.
• "Ach, Mist, gleich wird's regnen!" Wie soll man sich nach diesem Satz fühlen? Gut? Hmm, schwierig. Gereicht hätte ein Satz wie: "Da hinten sind dunkle Wolken." Punkt.
• Beobachten: Was fehlt eigentlich in diesem Moment? Was denkst du? Was fehlt in diesem Moment?
• In diesem Moment anzukommen. Achtsam. Dass einen viele gute Dinge umgeben.
• Es gibt keinen Augenblick in der Zukunft, der wichtiger ist. Das Glück kann nur ins Jetzt eintreten.
• Manchmal sollten wir nur essen. Nichts anderes dabei tun. Manchmal sollten wir nur gehen. Nichts anderes dabei tun. Manchmal sollten wir nur zuhören. Nichts andere dabei tun. Manchmal sollten wir nur auf einer Bank sitzen. Nichts anderes dabei tun. Wenn wir nicht immer mehrere Sachen gleichzeitig tun, sondern uns ganz auf den Moment einlassen, erkennen wir so einiges an uns und an unserem Leben. Probier das doch einmal selbst aus.
• Jemand, der dich nicht so akzeptiert, wie du bist, akzeptiert sich selbst nicht. Wenn er nämlich mit sich im Reinen wäre, hätte er kein Problem damit, die Andersartigkeit anderer Menschen willkommen zu heißen.
• Es gab Zeiten in meinem Leben, da habe ich versucht, anderen zu genügen.
• Natürlich sind wir nicht ohne Fehler. Das gehört einfach zum Menschsein dazu
• Kannst du dich lieben mit all deinen Fehlern?
• Es ist so unglaublich wichtig, dass wir mit uns selbst liebevoll umgehen.
• Als mich vor mehreren Jahren meine damalige Freundin verlassen hat, war es keine Entscheidung "gegen mich", sondern "für sie".
• Das wir uns manchmal abgrenzen müssen und dass dies ein Akt der Selbstliebe ist. Jeder von uns braucht Raum für sich, einen Ort, an den er sich zurückziehen oder an dem er sich entfalten kann.
• "Wissen will reden. Weisheit und Liebe wollen zuhören."
• Was würde ein 90-jähriges ich dir jetzt raten?
• Du "hast" kein Leben. Du "bist" Leben.
• Und weißt du was? Jede Antwort, die du auf die Frage "Wer bist du?" hättest, wäre falsch. Denn die Antwort auf diese Frage bist du selbst!

Get epic shit done - Ankur Warikoo

 - Others' success will generate massive self-doubt

- Yes why is this the case?

- The biggest misconception people have is that they are the odd one out and everyone else is sorted

- The world will constantly be defining success and failure for you. Realizing this is what is called self-awareness

- Success is a relationship you have with your own self.

- Set out on that exploration. Don't wait to identify a destination

- Moving out doesn't mean quitting what you have. It means giving yourself the space to explore other things.

- Doing the same thing over and over the years does not make you gain experience in those years. Doing different things, things out of your comfort zone, to stay curious, to never rest on your laurels, to expand what you know - these truly sum up experience.

- Don't get comfortable

- No one expects a CA to make a visually colourful resume. No one expects a musician to send an Excel sheet proposal. No one expects an engineer to send a video resume. Which is why they should consider doing it! Fighting the stereotype is a great way to get attention!

- Being yourself is the coolest way to get attention. Which is scary for most people. Which is the reason most people don't.

- There is temporary discomfort in doing the unconventional. There is permanent discomfort in living life as a template.

- Mistake 9: I tool loans. Because I didn't have money yet. And I kept telling myself, "But I will have money in the future. And that's why it is okay." If you do not have the money to pay for something right now, you DO NOT have the money.

- Mistake 16: I had to make money fast, buy my parents that house, buy that fancy car, that vacation. I had to make money fast, to buy stuff. Money can buy you stuff. But the biggest thing it buys is freedom. Including freedom from stuff.

- "I wish everyone could get rich and famous and everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that's not the answer." - Jim Carrey

- Never start up because you want to make money from it. The odds of making the same money through a "boring" professional career much higher.

- The trick to waking up early is not waking up early. It is sleeping on time! The secret is to be energized, happy and productive in the morning.

- Before you assume, try this crazy thing. ASK

- It either validates your assumption or you get to understand people better. Either way, you get to be a better communicator. Win-Win :-)

- I wake up at 4:30 a.m. every morning. After meditating, singing practice and reading. I head to play tennis.

- We don't need more productivity hacks. We need to spend more time with ourselves doing what we want to do. 

- The best form of writing is the one that is written neither out of fear nor with the willingness to share. Write not because you want to be liked. Write not because you want mor likes. Write not because someone else will be impressed by you. Write because you want to express yourself. Write, because you will read it. Write, because if you won't, your bottled-up emotions will harm you alone. Write, because if you won't write it, how will you ever read what you need? Write, because no one could ever be You 2.0

- It is developing the mindset that progress is a way of life

- Writing isn't the answer to clarity. The answer lies in wether we write to get more at peace or wether we write to seek validation.

- But we are not listening to the opposite person. Instead, we are listening to our mind telling us what to say. When we listen, do we truly listen or are we preparing a response in our heads.

- Your attendance doesn't define your discipline. Your attention does.

- The quality of your presence is way more important than the forced quantity of your attendance when you're not present.

- Optimize for learning, not salary. Optimize for progress, not stability. Optimize for facing fears, not for comfort.

- Over fifty percent of my waking time goes towards things that are important, but not urgent!

- Not everyone excercises. Thus, it needs to be said more often

- Everyone watches TV, it needn't be said.

- Everyone eats Pizza, it needn't be said.

- Doing the things that are the most important are the things that make you important.

- Someone younger than you is always going to be making more money than you.

- However, no matter how much success you achieve, if you are still envious, are you truly successful?

- Satisfaction is the most powerful skill to have.

- Satisfaction in your journey.

- Satisfaction in how far you've come

- Satisfaction in all the unwanted parts of you you've scooped out.

- Satisfaction in your satisfaction

- If we start making decisions knowing they are reversible, we will discover how much lies ahead of us just because we decide and act.

- Comparing yourself to others is the biggest waste of time.

- If you truly want to compare, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

- Instead of worrying about what might happen, anticipate what might happen. Our power to imagine is both a strength and a weakness.

- We can build our own prisons through our thoughts, or let go of all bars, break ceilings and imagine the best outcome possible. The one we pick. Is the one we live with.

- Life is full of struggle. There will be a struggle in trying to live with the world by its rules. And there will be a struggle in trying to build your own world and your own rules. You get to choose the struggle.

- You are not the only one confused. You are not the only one unsure. You are not the only one struggling. You are not dumb, inadequate, incapable. Everone is struggling. Everyone is figuring it out. Dont be harsh on yourself.

- The greatest illusion is that life should be perfect!

- People who are enjoying their lives are at a competitive advantage. Imagine having all the money you want and being miserable! Imagine living life on your own terms and enjoying it like no one else:-) Joy is the ultimate advantage. Everything else just follows.

- A meaningful job need not be one that completely consumes your whole life. You may love your job. And find impeccable joy in it. Yet if it leaves you with zero or little space for yourself, it is not the one! It's important to have your space. It's super important to not let your job encroach upon your life. And it is respectful of yourself to respect those boundaries. To find meaning in your job is beautiful. Your job being the only meaning of life is scary.

- To not have a plan and be okay with it is the best plan. It will take everything to get to that point. However, imagine yourself being asked, "Where do you see yourself five years from now?" and you reply, "I do not know. And I am OK with that." That is being at peace with where you are in life, with who you are in life.

- If you are comfortable dancing in public without alcohol or drugs, you are at peace with who you are. If you love to express yourself without numbing your senses, You are at a place of untouchable joy and peace. The only intake you need is more self-belief that you are just perfect as you are!

- If you do what everyone else will do, you will end up like everyone else.

- Complaining has never ever led someone to a solution.

- Working out teaches you discipline and patience like few other things do. You can't buy a fit body. You can't cheat to get to a fit body. You can't ride on someone else to get a fit body. You can't blame anybody for not being fit. Neither can you ask someone to get fit on your behalf. It is only going to happen if you show up every day. And be patient.

- Most people who want to start a business think they should quit their job and start a startup. Not true, in my opinion. Work nights / weekends and test your idea out

- It is the employees that run a company, not the other way around.

- I invested in stocks when the markets went high, in the hope of making fast money. I sold in panic when the market tanked, so that I didnt lose money. It should have been the exact opposite.

- If you have excess cash, wait. Wait for the right opportunity. Wait patiently. Wait for markets to drop. "No one wants to get rich slowly" - Warren Buffet

- Mistake: Renting your time and not owning any assets. Because we have to spend time working, to earn. Assets, on the other hand, make money, even when we sleep. Start a company. Own stocks. Create rental income. 

- Holding a grudge against someone requires a lot of effort. Think of all the wasted time spent being mad ad someone. You have decided to trade your peace for seeking revenge. When we hold a grudge against someone, we do the same thing they did to us: hurt us. They hurt us once. We hurt ourselves 100x by repeating it in our heads.

- It takes effort to find love. It takes effort to feel fulfilled. It takes effort to be fit. It takes effort to be happy. Which is why most of us do not have love, fulfilment, happiness or fitness in our life.

- How we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. Truly happy, fulfilled and soaring people never ever make others feel bad about themselves. The inner world drives the outer. Period.

Can’t hurt me – David Goggins

 

-          We are addicted to comfort

-          We all make habitual, self-limiting choices

-          Motivation is not enough

-          Only you can master your mind, which is what it takes to live a bold life

-          Self-mastery and empower you to face reality, hold yourself accountable

-          I thought I was gaming the system (by cheating, taking abbreviations), but in reality the whole time, I’d been gaming myself

-          Everyone’s opinion of me mattered to me, and that’s a shallow way to live

-          Nobody is coming to save you! Nobody! It’s up to you

-          For the first time, I’d held myself accountable

-          I’d duped myself into a negative feedback loop that on the surface looked like advancement until I hit a brick wall called reality

-          So why are you still lying to yourself?

o   You’ve been living like a coward. Period. Tell yourself the truth

-          YOU are stopping YOU

o   You are giving up instead of getting hard!

o   Turn that negativity into jet fuel

o   No more time to waste

o   It’s okay to be cruel to yourself as long as you realize you’re doing it to become better.

-          I looked at the people who were making me feel uncomfortable and realized how uncomfortable they were in their own skin.

o   It was a clear indication that something was very wrong with them, not me.

o   But when you have no confidence it becomes easy to value other people’s opinions

o   As soon as I made that connection, being upset with them was not worth my time

-          Personal accountability brought me self-respect, and self-respect will always light a way forward

-          Make a stand and start walking the path of most resistance

-          I first realized that not all physical and mental limitations are real. I had a habit of giving up way too soon

-          Convince myself that all that self-doubt and anxiety was confirmation that I was no longer living an aimless life. I was on a mission

-          Do something that sucks every day

o   The more often you get uncomfortable the stronger you’ll become

o   Can-do dialogue with yourself in stressful situations

-          I stopped seeing myself as the victim of bad circumstance, and saw my life as the ultimate training ground instead

o   The same principle works when it comes to mindset. Until you experience hardships like failures and disappointments, your mind will remain soft and exposed. Life experience, especially negative experiences, help callous the mind.

-          Very few people even bother to try to control the way their thoughts and doubts bubble up. The vast majority of us are slaves to our minds

o   Mastering their thought process it a never-ending chore and impossible to get right every time.

o   Physical training is the perfect crucible to learn how to manage your thought process because when you’re working out, your focus is more likely to be single pointed, and your response to stress and pain is immediate and measurable. Do you hammer hard and snag that personal best like you said you would, or do you crumble?

§  It’s almost always a test of how well you are managing your own mind.

§  It’s important to push hardest when you want to quit the most

§  You have to do your best work when you are the least motivated

-          It’s up to you to go back through your past and make peace with yourself

-          Staying in the fight is always the hardest and most rewarding first step

-          in every failure there is something to be gained, even if its only practice for the next test you’ll have to take. Because that next test is coming. That’s a guarantee.

-          Made me realize that there is a whole other level of athlete out there in the world, and that some of that was inside me, too. In fact, it’s in all of us.

-          Who hasn’t dreamed up a possibility for themselves only to have friends, colleagues or family ridicule it? Most of us are extremely motivated to do anything to pursue our dreams until those around us remind us of the danger, the downside, our own limitations, and all the people before us that didn’t make it.

-          Goggins laws of nature

o   You will be made fun of

o   You will feel insecure

o   You may not be the best all the time

o   You may be the only… (black, white, male, Asian, gay, or… whatever) in a give situation

o   There will be times when you will feel alone

 

o   GET OVER IT

-          Our minds are strong

-          If you want to be one of the few to defy those trends in our ever-softening society, you will have to be willing to go to war with yourself and create a whole new identity, which requires an open mind.

o   You’ll have to become addicted to hard work. Because passion and obsession are only useful tools if you have the work ethics to back them up

o   It means scheduling your life like you’re on a twenty-four-hour mission every single day

o   He makes time to get it all in by minimizing the amount of nonsense clogging his schedule. His priorities are clear and he remains dedicated to his priorities.

o   Evaluate your life in its totality! We all waste so much time doing meaningless things. We burn hours on social media and watching televisions, which by the end of the year would add up to entire days and weeks if you tabulated time

-          Build an optimal schedule

o   When you work, only work on one thing at a time, think about the task in front of you and pursue it relentlessly

o   Scheule in exercise and rest, too. When it’s time to rest, actually rest. No checking email or wasting time on social media. If you are going to work hard you must also rest your brain

o   You should have a working schedule that maximizes your effort without sacrificing sleep.

-          Always be willing to embrace ignorance and become the idiot in the classroom again, because that is the only way to expand your body of knowledge and body of work. It’s the only way to expand your mind.

-          A lot of us surround ourselves with people who speak to our desire for comfort. People who would rather treat the pain of our wounds and prevent further injury than help us callous over them and try again.            

o   We need to surround ourselves with people who will tell us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear

-          All I’s ever wanted from it was to become successful in my own eyes.

Mark Manson - The subtle art of not giving a fuck

The world is constantly telling you that the path to a better life is more, more, more – buy ore, own more, make more, fuck more, be more. You are constantly bombarded with messages to give a fuck about everything, all the time. Give a fuck about a new TV. Give a fuck about having a better vacation than your coworkers. Give a fuck about buying that new lawn ornament. Give a fuck about having the right kind of selfie stick.

o   Because giving a fuck is good for business

o   Giving too many fucks is bad for your mental health

o   Dedicate your life to chasing a mirage of happiness and satisfaction

o   The key to a good life its giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important

-          Feedback loop from hell

o   Anxious – now youre anxious about being anxious

o   Anger – now youre angry at being angry

o   Worried – now youre worried about being worried

o   Thoughts about thoughts

o   On facebook everybody is having a fucking grand old time

-          This is why not giving a fuck is key

o   Accepting the world is totally fucked and that’s all right, because its been that way and always will be

o   Start to say to yourself: “I feel like shit, but who gives a fuck.” You stop hating yourself for feeling so bad

o   Stress-related health issues, anxiety disorder, and cases of depression have skyrocketed.

o   We have so much fucking stuff and so many opportunities that we don’t even know what to give a fuck about anymore.

o   Because there is infinite amount of things we can now see or know

-          Camus: You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

-          The pain you PURSUE in the gym results in better all-around health, the failures in business are what lead to a better understanding of that is necessary to be successful. …

-          Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience

o   Sport – training. Study hard for job. Fight through hard times in job. Continue learning on job,…

o   Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfire. To try to avoid pain is to give too many fucks about pain

-          Most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. (when a show gets cancelled, if someone is unfriendly, someone misbehaving in traffic)

-          You are going to die one day – you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Learning how to focus and prioritize your thoughts effectively.

-          You will be confined to your own petty, skill-sized hell, burning with entitlement and bluster, running circles around your very own personal Feedback Loop from Hell, in constant motion yet arriving nowhere.

-          You must give a fuck about something

o   The question then is, WHAT do we give a fuck about? What are we choosing to give a fuck about? And how can we not give a fuck about what ultimately does not matter

o   Admirable

§  Being comfortable by being different!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

§  The people who don’t give a fuck about adversity or failure or embarrassing themselves. The people who just laugh and then do what they believe in anyway. Because they know its right.

§  More important than their own feelings and their own pride and their own ego. They say “Fuck it”. They reserve fucks for what truly matters.

-          The old saying goes that no matter where you go, there you are.

o   No matter where you go, therea a five-hundred-pound load of shit waiting for you. And that’s perfectly fine. The point isn’t to get away from the shit. The point is to find the shit you enjoy dealing with.

-          When a person has no problems, the mind automatically finds a way to invent some

o   Finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy.

-          When we mater:

o   We become more selective about the fucks were willing to give

o   Only give a fuck about what truly fuck-worthy

o   Whats what you get for giving a fuck when it wasn’t your turn to give a fuck

o   We know who we are and we accept ourselves. This is liberating. Life is just what it is.

-          People no longer realize its okay for things to suck sometimes.

-          No mater what you do, life is comprised of failures, loss, regrets, and even death

o   Once you become comfortable with all the shit that life throws at you, you become invincible

-          One realization was that life itself is a form of suffering: the rich suffer because of their riches. The poor suffer because of their poverty. People without a family suffer because they have no family. People with a family suffer because of their family.

o   Warren buffest got money problems, the Hobo at 7/11 has money problems. Buffet just got better money problems. All of life is like this.

-          Happiness is not a solvable equation

-          Life is essentially an endless series of problems

-          The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one

-          Don’t hope for al ife without problems. Hope for a life full of good problems

-          When you solve your health problem by buying a gym membership, you create new problems, like having to get up early to get to the gym on time

-          Happiness comes from solving problems

-          If youre avoiding your problems youre going to make yourself miserable

-          To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action; its an activity, not something that is passilvely bestowed upon you, not something that you magically discover

-          Happiness is a constant work-in-progress

-          Highs are shallow and unproductive ways to go about ones life

o   Highs also generate addictions

o   Almost anything can become addictive

o   Numb the pain of our problems

-          If you feel crappy its because your brain is telling you that theres a problem that’s unaddressed or unresolved

o   Negative emotions are calls to action. When you feel them, its because youre supposed to do something

-          Whatever makes us happy today will no longer make us happy tomorrow

o   Because our biology always needs something more.

o   We end up feeling eerily similar to how we started: inadequate

o   The “hedonic treadmill”, we’re always working, hard to change our life situation, but we actually never feel very different

-          What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?

o   The solution lies in the acceptance and active engagement of that negative experience

o   Amazing physique – unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that come with living inside a gym

-          You have to choose something. You cant have a pain-free life. It cant all be roses and unicorns all the time.

o   I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love with not the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.

o   Who you are is defines by what you’re willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons

o   People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to the top of it.

o   See: It’s a never-ending upward spiral

-          A person who actually has a high self-worth is able to look at the negative parts of his character frankly – Yes, sometimes I’m irresponsible with money, Yes, sometimes I exaggerate my own success,,, and then acts to improve upon them

-          It just means that you’re nothing special.

o   Most of us are pretty average at most things we do.

o   That’s just the nature of life. To become truly great at something, you have to dedicate shit-tons of time and energy to it.

o   We’re all, for the most part, pretty average people.

§  Inherently contradictory – after all, if everyone were extraordinary, then by definition no one would be extraordinary

§  They become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement.

·         Stems from an uneering belief that they are, in fact, not great at all.

·         People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great – they are average – and that they could be so much better

§  Accepting the bland and mundane truths of life: The vast majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy, and that’s okay.

§  Your body will wake up feeling more potent and more alive. After all, that constant pressure to be something amazing, to be the next big thing, will be lifted off your back.

§  The knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish, without judgement or lofty expectations.

§  Growing appreciation for lifes basic experiences: the pleasures of simple friendship, creating something, helping a person in need, reading a good book, laughing with someone you care about.

-          Humans often choose to dedicate large portions of their lives to seemingly useless or destructive causes

o   The question we should be asking is not “how do I stop suffering?”, but “Why am I suffering – for what purpose?”

-          First layer of self-awareness is simple understanding of one’s emotions

o   Second layer why we feel certain emotions

§  Why do you feel angry?

o   Third level is our personal values

§  Values underlie everything we are and do

§  Why do they feel such a need to be rich in the first place? How are they choosing to measure success/failure for themselves?

§  The question is not whether we evaluate ourselves against others; rather, the question is by what standard do we measure ourselves

§  Honesty is a good value, popularity is a bad value. Out of your control

·         Good, healthy values: Honesty, innovation, vulnerability, standing up for oneself, standing up for others, self-respect, curiosity, charity, humility, creativity

·         Some bad, unhealthy values: Feeling good all the time, not being alone, being liked by everybody, being rich for the sake of being rich

§  Good values are achieved internally. Bad values are generally reliant on external events and lie outside of your control.

§  Values are about prioritizations, influence your decision-making more than anything else

-          Pleasure

o   Pleasure is a false god

o   Pleasure is what’s marketed to us, 24/7. Its what we fixate on.

o   Pleasure is not the cause of happiness, rather it is the effect

-          Material success

o   The correlation between happiness and wordly success quickly approaches zero

o   Meaning that you’re killing yourself working overtime and weekends for basically nothing.

-          In the long run, completing a marathon makes us happier than eating a chocolate cake. Raising a child makes us happier than beating a video game. These activities are stressful, arduous, and often unpleasant. They also require withstanding problem after problem. Yet they are some of the most meaningful moments and joyous things we’ll ever do. They involve pain, struggle, even anger and despair – yet once they’re accomplished, we look back and get all misty-eyed telling our grandkids about them.

o   One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful

-          When we feel that we’re choosing our problems, we feel empowered. When we feek that our problems are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable.

-          There is a simple realization from which all personal improvements and growth emerges. This is the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances

o   Whether we like it or not, we are ALWAYS taking an active role in whats occurring to and within us. We are always interpreting the meaning of every moments and every occurrence.

o   The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives. Accepting responsibility for our problems is thus the first step to solving them.

o   A lot of people hesitate to take responsibility for their problems because they believe that to be responsible for your problems is to also be fault for your problems

o   Many people may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you.

§  You always get to choose how you see things, how you react to things, how you value things.

§  I began to understand that although she had done something horrible to me and she could be blamed for that, it was now my own responsibility to make myself happy again. She was never going to pop up and fix things for me. I had to fix them for myself.

§  We all get dealt cards. Some of us get better cards than others. And while it’s easy to get hung up on our cards, and feel we got screwed over, the real game lies in the choices we make with those cards, the risks we decide to take, and the consequences we choose to live with.

-          But how do I change?

o   Do, or do not, there is no how

o   You are already choosing, in every moment of every day, what to give a fuck about, so change is as simple as choosing to give a fuck about something else.

o   It really is that simple. Its just not easy.

o   Its not easy because youre going to feel like a loser, a fraud, a dumbass at first

o   These are all side effect of changing your values, of changing the fucks youre giving. But they are inevitable.

o   The moment you change those values (studying is more important than partying),…

§  Choosing to place your fucks elsewhere, in a place far more important and worthy of your energies – you will be met with internal and external resistance along the way. You will feel uncertain. But this is a good thing.

-          I tought being “cool” had to be practiced and learned from others, rather than invented for oneself.

o   Every step of the way I was wrong. About everything. Throughout my life, I’ve been flat-out wrong about myself, others, society, culture, the world, the universe – everything. And I hope that will continue to be the case for the rest of my life.

§  Growth is an endlessly iterative process.

-          That man doesn’t ask for the promotion because he would have to confront his beliefs about what his skills are actually worth. It’s easier to sit in a painful certainty, that nobody appreciates your talents, than to actually test those beliefs and find out for sure.

o   Certainty is the enemy of growth

o   We should be in constant search of doubt. Doubt about our own beliefs, doubt about our own feelings, doubt about what the future may hold for us unless we get out there and create it for ourselves. Instead of looking to be right all the time, we should be looking for how we’re wrong all the time. Because we are. Being wrong opens us up to the possibility of change. Being wrong brings the opportunity for growth.

o   We don’t actually know what a positive or negative experience is. Some of the most difficult and stressful moments of our lives also end up being the most formative and motivating. Don’t trust your conception of positive / negative experiences. (“Who knows if its good or bad”)

-          How quickly the human mind is capable of coming up with and believing in a bunch of bullshit that isn’t real.

o   They all (students in experiment) believe that they discovered the perfect sequence of button that earned them their points (but it was random)

o   Our brains are meaning machines. What we understand as meaning is generated by the associations our brain makes between two or more experiences. We press a button, then we see a light go on; we assume the button caused the light to go on.

o   Our minds are constantly whirring, generating more and more associations.

o   The brain is imperfect. We mistake things we see and hear.

§  Brains are designed to hold on to that meaning.

§  Biased

§  We don’t want to let go of it.

§  Even if we see evidence, we often ignore it and keep on believing anyway

-          “I used to think the human brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.”

-          All beliefs are wrong – some are just less wrong than others

-          Uncertainty also relieves us of our judgement of ourselves: We don’t know if were lovable or not; we don’t know how attractive we are, we don’t know how successful we could potentially become. The only way to achieve these things is to remain uncertain of them and be open to finding them out through experience. Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

o   The man who believes he knows everything, learns nothing.

o   The more we admit we do not know, the more opportunities we gain to learn

-          Parkinsons law: “Work expands so as to fill up the time available for its completion”

-          I say “DON’T” find yourself. I say NEVER know who you are. Because that what keeps you striving and discovering.

-          Buddhism: You should let go of the idea that YOU exist at all. It actually traps you. It encourages you to not give a fuck.

o   When we let go of the stories we tell about ourselves, to ourselves, we free ourselves up to actually act (and fail) and grow.

o   Choose to measure yourself not as a rising star or an undiscovered genius. Instead, measure yourself by more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator

o   Define yourself in the simplest and most ordinary ways possible

o   Giving up your sense of entitlement and your belief that youre somehow owed something by this world

o   We’re all the world’s worst observers of ourselves

-          Making money, by itself, was a lousy metric for myself. You could make plenty of money and be miserable, just as you could be broke and be pretty happy. Therefore, why use money as a means to measure my self-worth?

o   Would I rather make decent money and work a job I hated, or play at Internet entrepreneur and be broke for a while.

o   If I try this thing and fail in a few years and have to go get a job anyway, will I have really lost anything?

-          The magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something. If someone is better than you at something, then it’s likely because she has failed at it more than you have.

o   A young child trying to learn to walk… at no point does that child ever stop and think: “Oh, I guess walking just isn’t for me. I’m no good at it.”

-          Goals

o   Are limited in the amount of happiness they can product in our lives.

-          Just shut up and do it

o   Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway. ALL of life is like this. It never changes. Even when you’re happy.

o   If you’re stuck on a problem, don’t sit there and think about it; just start working on it. Even if you don’t know what youre doing, the simple act of working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.

o   Don’t just sit there. DO something. The answers will follow.

o   Action isn’t just the effect of motivation. It’s also the cause of it

o   From “Inspiration -> Motivation -> Action” to “Action -> Inspiration -> Motivation”

o   DO SOMETHING – anything, really – and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself.

o   I call this the “do something” principle

o   Forcing myself to do SOMETHING, even the most menial of tasks, quickly made the larger tasks seem much easier.

o   The novelist: “Two hundred crappy words per day, that’s it” – more often than not, the act of writing, would inspire him; and before he knew it, he’d have thousands of words down on the page.

o   When the standard of success becomes merely acting – when ANY result is regarded as progress and important, when inspiration is seen as a reward rather than a prerequisite – we propel ourselves ahead. We feel free to fail, and that failure moves us forward.

-          People cant solve your problems for you. And they shouldn’t try, because that wont make them happy. You can’t solve other people’s problems for them either, because that likewise won’t make them happy.

-          Consumer culture is very good at making us want more, more, more

o   Implication that more is always better

o   But more is not always better, In fact, the opposite is true. We are actually often happier with less.

o   Paradox of choice.

o   There is freedom and liberation in commitment. I have found increased opportunity and upside in rejecting alternatives and distractions in favor of what I’ve chosen to let truly matter to me.

§  It hones your attention and focus

§  Making you healthy and happy

§  Makes decision making easier

§  Removes and fear of missing out

§  Knowing that what you already have is good enough

§  Why would you ever stress about chasing more, more, more

§  Focus intently on a few highly important goals

§  Achieve a greater degree of success

§  The rejection of alternatives liberates us