Setting boundaries

“People with strong boundaries understand that it's unreasonable to expect two people to accommodate each other 100 percent and fulfill every need the other has. People with strong boundaries understand that a healthy relationship is not about controlling one another's emotions, but rather about each partner supporting the other in their individual growth and in solving their own problems.”

• A romantic relationship is ideally a partnership where both parties have power. But if you’re a junior partner, someone’s direct report—or you just need this job—being clear (and firm) about your needs is a lot harder.
• Point in case: In an airplane you have to put on your own oxigen-mask first before helping others
• Having poor boundaries often means you’re responsive to other people’s needs and expectations at the expense of your own. This leads to a loss of control over your own work and results, which is not only depressing, but it leads to even worse control over your boundaries. And that not only leads to more abuse of your boundaries, but also increases people’s expectations that you will be available on-demand for them no matter the cost to you.
• So step back and identify the following:
• What’s the most important work you are responsible for?
• What challenges are you up against? What is most likely to get in the way of you doing your best work?
• What information do you need in order to do your best work?
• When do you need uninterrupted time in order to do your best work? When is it most disruptive to be interrupted?
• What’s your optimal work style? When do you do your clearest thinking? When are you best able to get into a flow?
• What action will help the whole team out the most in the long run?