Montag, 26. Juni 2017

Positive Intelligence - Shirzad Chamine

  • He began having more success once he finally stopped believing that his happiness depended on his success.
  • Your mind is your best friend, but it is also your worst enemy. High Positive Intelligence means your mind acts as your friend far more than as your enemy. Positive Intelligence is therefore an indication of the control you have over your own mind and how well your mind acts in your best interest.
  • Saboteurs are a universal phenomenon. The question is not whether you have them, but which ones you have, and how strong they are. 
  • I told David it was okay if his mind reminded him of the importance of an upcoming meeting ONCE. Going over a mistake ONCE as an attempt to learn from it and not repeat it was helpful. But to be badgered mutiple times was not useful: His Judge was not the friend it pretended to be.
  • Focus will significantly deplete the oxygen supplies of all Saboteurs. Your Judge is your master Saboteur and tends to trigger the others, its weakening impacts all of them. Once you reduce the power of the Judge and key accomplice Saboteur in your head, the others will come crumbling down automatically.
  • The most effective strategy for weakening your Saboteuer is simply oberserve and label your Saboteur thoughts or feelings every time you notice them. It might be helpful to create more personalized descriptions and names for them.
  • Saboteurs do far greater damage when they do their work while hiding under the radar, pretending they are your friend or that they are you. Observing and labeling them blows their cover and discredits their voice. Notice the difference between saying "I dont think I am capable" and "the Judge doesn't think I am capable."
  • Because for the first time in their lives they had realized that their inner torment was commonly shared.
  • Most successful, high-achieving people are privately torured by their own Judges. This is rarely obvious to those around them. Externally, we all show our happy and fully confident fronts. 
  • Most of us grow up experiencing love that is conditional on being good or performing, and we get into the habit of placing the same conditions on self-love. But conditional love is not real love. I embarked on a very different kind of game with my son. "So why is it, Kia? Why do I love you so much?" "Daddy, its because I am me." He is worthy of love, always. He is to never worry that he might lose it, regardless of his successes or failures and the ups and downs of life.
  • Many of the Sage qualities were evident. They were deeply curious about each other, open to experimenting with new ways of being, caring about what the other was feeling and experiencing, and, as is common, the Sage energy in one had reinforced and encouraged the Sage energy in the other. In a virtuous reinforcing cycle, they were each bringing the best out of the other by bringing the best out of themselves.
  • The fact is that the other person hadn't neccessarily changed. John was always a mixed bag (of Saboteurs and Sage), and he will always remain a mixed bag, even as he learns to better restrain his Saboteurs over time.
  • To be precise, all your distress in the forms of anxiety, disappointment, stress, anger, shame, guilt - all the unpleasent stuff that makes up your suffering - is generated by your own Saboteurs.
  • The Sage perspective accepts every outcome and circumstance as a gift and opportunity. 
  • WHO KNOWS IF ITS GOOD OR BAD?
  • Our Judge convinces us that we know what is good and bad at any given moment, but the truth is that we actually don't!!!!!
  • I ask people to come up with at least three scenarios where their supposedly bad situation could turn in to a gift and opportunity.
  • Any amount of time and energy spent on anger, blame, regret, or worry is completely wasted.
  • Your other option is to just let it go and put it behind you without any residue of unhappiness, regret, or distress.
  • I often find People feeling stuck since they can't chart a complete path from where they are to where they want to be in the Long run. I tell them their Situation is analogous to finding themselves at the edge of some unkown territory without a map. To make it even more challenging, the whole area is covered in dense fog. If your Goal were to emerge at the North end of this territory, there would be no way for you to chart a step-by-step path to get yourself there. You would need to rely on a compass. If you hit an impossible hill or obstacle in the middle, then you would take the most north-leaning path around it. In due time, if you kept checking the compass and making sure you took each step with North in mind, you would emerge close to where you wanted to be.
    • Similarly, many People think that the answer to the meaning of life will one day emerge with fanfare and fireworks. They feel stuck because they dont have full clarity about their purpose in life or what would make their life happiest or most meaningful. I tell them to consult their Sages Navigation compass for their little steps, knowing that these steps will eventuially get them to a very meaningful place. Without the compass, we could take many steps that on their own might appear successful but in the end could have us running in circles. A midlife crisis is a good example of this phenomenon.
    • This is true of individuals as it is of teams and organizations.
  • Some worry that the Sages attitude of accepting everything as a gift and opportunity will lead to passiveness, laziness, and lack of ambition and action. ... Moves you into pure action. Laser-focused on action.... as all your mental and emotional energy would be focused on getting the action right.... By pushing aside all the mind-chatter coming from Saboteurs. ... Concentrate on pure action. ... Every single Saboteur gets in the way of taking pure action.
  • Replace in a discussion all "No...buts..." with "Yes...ands..."
  • Building PQ brain muscles
    • Shift as much of your Attention as you can to your body and any of your five senses for at least ten seconds
    • commanding yourself to stop being lost in thought and instead become aware of your physical sensations
    • at least one hundred times a day.
    • next time you brush your teeth, see if you can become laser-focused on one physical sensation of brushing for a minimum of ten seconds
    • When you take a shower, give yourself permission to stop your busy mind-chatter for one short minute
    • When you exercise, zone in rather than zone out
    • next time you sit down for a meal, take at least one minute to become fully present and mindful of eating
    • Being with loved ones: Next time you hug someone you love, can you be fully present for ten seconds?
      • Can you be so present that you actually feel their breathing or hearbeat? Can you feel yourself in your body, feel your feet on the ground, and feel your breathing rather than being lost in the chatter of your mind? When you speak to them, can you see the pupils, colors, and sparkle of their eyes?
      • One minute of being fully present with a loved one has a deeper and more lasting impact on your relationship than spending a whole day together while you have a scattered mind
    • regardless of how busy you are, promise yourself that wou will give your busy mind a rest for one minute every time you go to the bathroom.
    • Promise yourself that every time you catch and label a saboteur, you will get a pq rep in for ten seconds
    • Over time, your mind chatter will lose much of its intensity and volume, but it will never fully go away
  • as previously discussed, a key premise of positive intelligence is that all your negative, destructive, or wasteful Feelings are generated by your saboteurs, regardless of the circumstances. Every ounce of your energy wasted on anxiety, stress, anger, frustration, self-doubt, impatience, despair, regret, resentment, restlessness, guilt, or shame is a choice that was made by the saboteurs in your mind.
  • You only need to know someones PQ score to know how happy they are. You could instantly say a billionaire in full health with a PQ score of 50 is far less happy than a middle-class paralegic Person with a PQ score of 80. You wouldn't need to know anything else about their life circumstances to make this comparison.
  • This explains why researchers have shown that external events, such as winning a big lottery or becoming a paraplegic through an accident, on average have little lasting impact on happiness. Within a relatively short period of time, happiness usually reverts to what researchers call "baseline happiness" Levels that existed prior to these events. ... Happiness is indeed an inside game.
  • Can you think of anyone who has such a strong vortex of positivity around them that your mood is immediately lifted when you're near them?
  • In thrive mode, the PQ Brain Looks for opportunities to grow, discover, explore, create, be in awe and appreciation, and reach its own full potential
  • The sage knows nothing about mental exhaustion
PARENTING
  • If happiness and peace of mind are what you ultimately want for your children, your most important and lasting contribution would be to help them build the foundation what will make them happy: their PQ
  • Life will do it's thing and no amount of hyper-vigilant parenting on my part can protect them. With their Sages, however, they will be able to turn all of these negative circumstances and their failings and mistakes into gifts and opportunities. They will be able to keep growing, while also feeling happy and peaceful along the way.
  • During dinner
    • pause our kids and ask them to focus closely on the next few bites. sometime all of us do so as a family
    • We also go around the dinner table and each share three things about the day we feel grateful for
  • Teaching your kids about their own sage and saboteurs has lasting impact.
  • Kids as young as ten years old are fully capable of understanding and using the concept.
  • Once you teach your kid the basic framework of sage versus saboteur, you can then turn many of her daily challenges into a coaching opportunity to reinforce the concept.
  • You could ask her which voice in her head is voting for which choice. Show your kid that there are always different voices and choices.

Leadership BS (Bullshit) - Fixing workplaces and careers one truth at a time - Jeffrey Pfeffer


Leadership BS (Bullshit) - Fixing workplaces and careers one truth at a time - Jeffrey Pfeffer
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The leadership industry has failed over ist roughly forty-year history to in any major, meaningful, measurable way improve the human condition

First, you need to take care of yourself. […] The pursuit of individual self-interest just might be, as virtually all economics wiring and theory since the time of Adam Smith teaches, good not just for you but also generally beneficial for the social systems including the work organizations in which you live.

Absolutely no evidence that these conditions [that workplaces are toxic environments that are bad for the people working in them with negative consequences for employers] are substantially different in other countries or that things are getting better over time.

”failing upwards”: the political dynamics and particularly the requirement for managing his relationships with his bosses by doing whatever they wanted and flattering them endlessly.

One critical time for derailment is when, in their first jobs postgraduation, people move from positions where they can succeed mostly on the basis of their individual performance and into more interdependent roles where political skills become more important. [...] At that point, the differentiating factor is the ability to navigate increasingly politically charged environments that are peopled by those who mostly do not fulfill the leadership industry’s prescriptions.

The problem is that for a social group to function as an adaptive unit, its members must do things for each other. Yet, these group-advantageous behaviours seldom  maximize relative fitness [for a given individual] within the social group. [...] Leaders frequenty focus on their own careers and what's good for them

[New CFO twitters on Day1:] Task#1: Undermine the CEO, consolidate power.

Many of the people offering leadership advice have a) either never held a leadership position, or b) if they have, were notoriously unsuccessful in it, or c) often promulgated leadership prescriptions almost inconsistent with their own behavior.

To the extent there are evaluative measures […] the resources expended or consumed on leadership training and development, not whether anything happened as a consequence.

Evaluation sheets: Feedback of participants: “Happy Sheets”. Participants’ self-reported satisfaction. “Smiley-face” indicators of success. => Very small and statistically insignificant relationship between student evaluations and learning. => and contraproductive: Likely to change the behaviors of presenters in ways that make learning and personal growth less likely. => Whether they are having a good time and are feeling good. => failure to measure results. => Simply stated, measuring entertainment value produces great entertainment, not change

What’s more, doing the opposite of what the leadership industry advocates is sometimes a much better, more reliable path to individual success.

Not only do individuals perceive themselves to be above average for most positive attributes and believe that the qualities in which they excel are the most important, but individuals will also selectively remember their successes and forget their failures or shortcomings.

Her peer was not interested in “repairing a relationship” or behaving with trust and authenticity; he was interested in taking over her team for his own advantage.

People not only have problems in their current positions, but they also lose out on attractive job opportunities by believing in the prescriptions so frequently roffered for how leaders should behave. [...] People suffer career troubles because they believed what they were told in the books, blogs, and talks.

Go home and throw out the numerous leadership books – or better yet, give them to career competitors.

Most leadership roles are ambiguous – there is uncertainty about what the leader should do, uncertainty about who would be best in that position, and frequently even a lack of clarity about how people are performing in their leadership roles.

Once people form an impression, they ignore discrepant information and seek out and overvalue confirming evidence. If you project confidence and claim competence with enough conviction to be credible, observers will tend to assimilate any information about you in ways consistent with the idea that you know what you are doing and are deserving of a position of leadership.

In order for you to be selected for a leadership role, it is necessary, that those doing the selecting notice you. => Exposure effect => It helps to be known, to have a brand, to, simply put, stand out =>  Engaging in behaviors that draw attention to an individuals positive qualities, past accomplishments, future plans, and also deservingness of jobs, money, or promotions. => Overconfident individuals achieve higher status, respect, and influence in groups.

Energy, dominance, self-confidence, and charisma. More extraverted and have higher self-esteem. Narcissists are more likely to engage in behaviors that make them more noticeable and noteworthy. They are more likely to push their own point of view and advocate in their own interests more aggressively. Helps them to dominate the social group => Their judgements are rendered with such conviction, other people tend to believe them and the narcissists become disproportionately more influential in group situations.

She is relentlessly upbeat and positive in public. Because being enthusiastic and confident is an essential quality for entrepreneurs, regardless of what they may be feeling on the inside. The ability to not succumb to personal feelings or predilections seems like a crucial trait for high performers in many domains. => The last thing a leader needs to be at crucial moments is “authentic”, being both in touch with and exhibiting their true feelings. In fact, being authentic is pretty much the opposite of what leaders must do. Leaders need to be true to what the situation and what those around them want and need from them. The reassurance that things will work out and the confidence that they are on the right track.

Middle-class families prepare their children for emotion management. (The emotions they display to others)

Getting along, let alone being successful in the world, often requires a large amount of inauthenticity and self-regulation. Leaders need to be and do what their followers and society require, not what the leader feels like being or doing at the moment.

As you move up the organizational ladder, you lose the freedom to ac t on your personal beliefs, feelings, and predilections – your “authentic self” – and you have to direct your behavior according much more to what you need to do to be successful, regardless of how you feel at the moment.

We become what we do (People change and grow all the time as a result of their work experience)

Learning and adapting to what we do never stops. So what does it mean to be true to yourself? Is that your high-school self? Your college self? Your postcollege self? Your role as a friend? A family member? An employee? A leader?

You need to learn how to be successful in the environments you confront

One of the most important leadership skills is the ability to put on a show, to act like a leader, to act in a way that inspires confidence and garners support. Draws on the craft of acting and the science of psychology. The message: Act powerful and you become powerful. People develop leadership qualities by practicing them, by acting them out and rehearsing them until they become natural and part of the individual.
Companies have apparently decided that telling people the truth about their actual promotion prospects will demotivate them. Companies will lose those solid performers who make things run but who do not see much potential for further career growth. Companies that lead people to believe they have better promotion prospects than they actually do maintain more positive relationships with their employees. People frequently see themselves as above average and are prone in many instances to engage in wishful thinking.

If employees believe that a company is going to fail, they will leave – and the best ones, who have the greatest chance of finding other good jobs, will leave first. As talent drains out, the odds of turning the company around are reduced. Thus, one important task of leaders is to convince their employees that success is possible. Believing in success, people will expend more effort and exhibit more confidence, and by so doing, whereby create success. In many instances, leaders convince customers, investors, talented employees by presenting the organization as more successful than it really is. This is why I often say that the ability to misrepresent reality is a crucial, maybe the most crucial, leadership skill.
Leaders share little or nothing in common with those they lead. Growing frequency of outside succession into leadership, leaders share few experiences with the people they are leading. Share little common history or experience with the rank and file.

You may think that your employer owes you something for your past contributions and good work – but most employers don’t agree. Companies look after themselves and their own interests to ensure their survival and prosperity. If you hold the expectation that your hard work and good efforts are invariably going to be appreciated, acknowledged, and rewarded by your employer in perpetuity, it’s time to get over yourself.
“What were you thinking? If you need to work to support yourself, you need to a) always, and I mean always, be looking for new jobs both within your current employer and one on the outside so you have options available to you at all times, and b) be constantly working on your relationships with your new boss.

Self-interest as a guiding principle: Try doing precisely what companies have told you to do for decades, and what the fundamental principle of economics has advocated since the time of Adam Smith. Take care of yourself and assiduously look out for your own interests in your life inside work organizations. => And presume that others are acting on the basis of their self-interest, and you will be better equipped to forecast and understand their actions.
Sometimes, maybe even often, the choice comes down to playing the game, whatever that game is, the way others do or losing.

 

Freitag, 9. Juni 2017

"Jeder Bürger ist strafbar, genaugenommen, von einem gewissen Einkommen an." - Max Frisch, Biedermann und die Brandstifter

Max Frisch - Biedermann und die Brandstifter

"Jeder Bürger ist strafbar, genaugenommen, von einem gewissen Einkommen an."

Die Sittlichkeit, wie sie uns gelehrt wird, schließt immer schon die weltliche Niederlage in sich; wir retten die Welt nicht vor dem Teufel, sondern wir überlassen ihm die Welt, damit wir nicht selbst des Teufels werden. Wir räumen einfach das Feld: um sittlich zu sein.

Dienstag, 6. Juni 2017

Das Geheimnis glücklicher Kinder - Steve Biddulph

  • Zufällige Hypnose jedoch ist so alltäglich, daß Eltern - ohne es zu merken - ihren Kindern Botschaften einimpfen, die ein Leben lang fortwirken, wenn sie nicht deutlichem Widerspruch begegnen.
    • Der Geist eines Kindes ist voller Fragen. Und die vielleicht wichtigsten dieser Fragten lauten: Wer bin ich? Was für eine Art von Person bin ich? Wo gehöre ich hin? Fragen zur Selbsteinschätzung, Fragen der Identitätssuche...
    • Deshalb wird ein Kind gravierend von allen Feststellungen, die mit den Worten "Du bist" beginnen, geprägt
  • Oftmals haben wir Kinder gebeten sich selbst zu beschreiben ... [Do this!]
  • Wir können unsere Gefühle offen ausdrücken: "Ich bin heute einfach zu müde dazu" oder "Im Augenblick bin ich zu wütend."
  • zwischen der Art und Weise, wie gesunde,glückliche und wie kranke,bedrückte Menschen mit sich reden, ein gewaltiger Unterschied besteht. ... Diese Selbstgespräche übernehmen Kinder direkt von ihren Eltern und Lehrern.
  • Viel besser ist eine positive Formulierung: "Halte dich gut am Baum fest", "pass auf, wohin du deinen Fuß als nächstes setzen willst." ... Statt "Lauf nicht auf die Straße" ist es einfacher und besser zu sagen "Bleib hier auf dem Bürgersteig bei mir" - das Kind kann sich somit vorstellen, was es tun soll, und muß sich nicht vorstellen, was es nicht tun soll. ... "Petra, halte dich mit beiden Händen am Bootsrand fest", ist viel nützlicher als "Fall bloß nicht ins Wasser" oder noch schlimmer "Wie, glaubst du wohl, ergeht es mir, wenn du ertrinkst?" ... Jeder, der positiv formuliert, hilft seinem Kind, positiv zu denken und zu handeln ... Weil das Kind weiß, was es tun soll, und nicht vor Angst paralysiert ist, weil es etwas nicht tun soll
  • "Protectice behaviour Training":
    • "Nichts ist so schlimm, als daß man nicht mit jemanden darüber reden könnte"
    • "Du hast das Recht, dich jederzeit sicher zu fühlen und dich zu wehren, wenn du dich unsicher fühlst"
    • Fragen Sie Ihre Kinder: "Was würdest du tun, wenn..." Gehen Sie auf sie ein und überlegen Sie, vor welchen Gefahren sie gewappnet sein sollten.
  • Ob du glücklich oder unglücklich bist, schert die Welt kein bisschen. Also kannst du dich auch gleich fürs Glücklichsein entscheiden.
  • Beobachten Sie ihr Kind wenn es fernsieht. Sehen Sie den leicht geöffneten Mund, den leeren Blick, den Kinder nach einer Weile annehmen? Läuft Ihnen da nicht ein Schauer über den Rücken? ... in keiner Lebenssituation werden Sie Kindern begegnen, die so passiv und gefesselt sind.